Ukrainian Medic Yevhen Nazarov: War Changes Life Perspectives and Values

The war taught me that you cannot plan anything for tomorrow. You live in the moment here and now, like small children and animals. And life turned upside down. Yevhen Nazarov, senior lieutenant of the medical service of the 35th Rear Admiral M. Ostrohradskyi Special Forces, spoke about these changes, mobilization, the work of a combat medic and life in Odesa. They also discussed the music of the late 90s and early 2000s, the life of the band and the civilian world. Watch the full interview and read the shortened interview about internal guidelines, fears and the ability to see the good.

The full-scale war has turned your life upside down. Remember who you were before it. What kind of person were you, what did you do on February 23?

On February 23, we celebrated my wife's birthday. We went to different establishments, stayed up until about one in the morning, and then went home. At about five in the morning, my mother-in-law woke us up with a phone call. I heard through my dream that the airport was being bombed, there was a war.

I thought, what war, I'm drunk, I'm still sleeping. And at about 07:30, I pierced my eyes and said: "Did my mother-in-law call? Is there a war?". I call the office and ask if we are going to work. It turned out that we were. I went to work like everyone else. And then on February 29, I received a call from the military enlistment office. They said: "Oh, it's good that you picked up the phone. We need you. We are waiting for you until 13:00. Come over."

I went to the kitchen, poured coffee, lit a cigarette. I drank coffee and smoked for about four hours. I thought about what I was doing, because it was scary. Where is the war, where am I and where is the army? I'm not a combatant, I don't know how to do anything. Then, like everyone else, I weighed the pros and cons, whether to run away somewhere or go abroad. Somehow I decided for myself that in any case I would not forgive myself for not going. I thought I would be alive, somewhere abroad. But I realized that I planned to live a long time and in conscience.

How did your family react?

They were shocked. I came to the military registration and enlistment office, there was a huge line, many people stood there for several days. Suddenly I was told that we needed a surgeon - yay, we need one! But what to do with you? For about 1.5 hours, everyone was deciding what to do with me. Then they said they didn't know yet, so I had to pack my things. They would call me back. In April, they did. It was scary. When I was leaving, I thought I was going to be sent to war somewhere, but in fact, where they shoot, everything explodes. I thought I would last two weeks at most. I left all my cards - everything I could - with my wife. It turned out that everything was not so tough.

Photo: Intent/Natalia Dovbysh

I was sent to a medical school. We studied for several months. We were told that we were there as a reserve, to deter the Muscovites' attack from Transnistria. For several months we had a pioneer camp for adult boys. It was very tasty, and about a month later I realized that I was gaining weight and I needed to eat not three meals a day, but maybe even one.

We studied, had classes on tactical medicine, because I had no idea about tactical medicine. I was reading some MARCH protocols and everything else on the links. I was afraid that tomorrow we would be sent somewhere. You seem to have been working for 20 years, you seem to be a surgeon, even a polyclinic one, but...

They will bring a wounded man and you will not be able to save him, you will let the guys down and someone will die because of you. That was the thing that tormented me the most. And then we went to Kherson region. There were the first evacuations there. The guys from other brigades helped a lot, because there were several vehicles at the evacuation point.

We were on duty in shifts. There is a lot to remember. A lot of things don't need to be remembered. I try to remember only something funny. But in fact, it was very scary and not fun.

Have you let go of the fear that you will meet a wounded man and will not be able to cope?

For example, we are preparing. We are about to receive four wounded. What four? And my number two is running around asking if they will be heavy. I told him to get ready for four heavy ones. And then we'll see. When they bring them, we'll figure it out. The war taught me that you can't plan anything for tomorrow or a week in advance, because everything can go wrong. You live in the moment here and now, like small children and animals.

At the beginning, I asked you what kind of person you were on February 23. What changes do you see in yourself now?

Many changes. First of all, almost everything is divided into black and white. There are no halftones. Before the full-scale invasion, I thought that what was happening in Donetsk did not concern me. I'll be honest. I lived like many others. My worldview has changed. I became more rigid, and at some points more calm. Excuse me, I'm on my own land, I came home, who should I be afraid of here?

I have some small fears, worries about my family and friends. I have learned a lot. For example, I learned how to make fries on a wood stove in a frying pan. Jokes aside. I learned something I didn't know how to do before.

I love the mountains, the Carpathians, and going to the woods with a tent for a week. What I learned there, I transferred to the army, and when we went to some landing to set up staging areas, it was not something new for me. I always had some thread and a needle, some different little things that would come in handy.

I remember traveling with the brigade chief, who was quarreling with me for taking a big backpack. I told him that we were from a rich family and we were traveling in my hummer, so I could afford to hide this backpack in the car. Then about two days later, he says: "I don't understand, you didn't serve before, where did you get such skills?" I said:"Carpathians".

Speaking of music, we discussed the band Nyzhniy Mir, but who did you start listening to in Ukraine?

The Gadyukin brothers - Forever. My attitude towards Ukraine and the Ukrainian language was shaped by my mother since childhood. Our family is Russian-speaking. When I was little, I found out that my mother had written down that I was Ukrainian. I said: "What kind of Ukrainian am I? I'm a Russian! Russians are the coolest. They won the war, flew into space. Everyone wants to be friends with us and is afraid of us. Everyone goes to the Mausoleum to see Lenin." That's how we were taught back then. My mom told me then: "No, you were born in Ukraine, so you are a Ukrainian." Another year passes. I'm in the second grade at school. We start learning Ukrainian. I say that I don't want to learn Ukrainian, I don't understand it, everyone in the USSR speaks Russian. Why do I need Ukrainian? My mom said: "You are a Ukrainian, a Ukrainian should know the Ukrainian language." Okay.

Again, the school program. These cannibalistic executioners, revolutionaries: "The eternal revolutionary is the Spirit that tears the body to battle...". It's all so boring. It's all just a bore, all uninteresting and sad. Only "The Kaidashev Family" was cool, Ostap Vyshnia a little bit, and something else.

At the institute, I met the people who brought me to Bilhorod-Dnistrovskyi. There, I met the local music mafia, as they called themselves, and came across the Rusychi band. These were guys who played Ukrainian folk songs, as well as some unknown songs. They traveled to villages and collected these songs. There was even a song from a children's collection for music schools called "A little birdie chirped.

Photo: Intent/Natalia Dovbysh

But these were songs that they sang in bass, reggae, in some kind of rock sound. I remembered when I was 13 years old, I saw the program "Rap OBOYMA", which was introduced by TNMK, who then covered what was happening in Ukraine, in hip-hop culture.

TNMK showed me that the Ukrainian language can be fun, high - it can be cool. At first, I perceived Ukrainian hip-hop as a joke. I mean songs like "Sirko my dog" and "Make me a hip-hop". Then there was the Maidan, I saw Ot Vinta! with a funny song "I ate onions in vain." Then I saw Motorola - the eighth color. Of course, the Gadyukin Brothers are pretty cool. For example, the phrase "Vasyl took a lethal dose of sausage" is not about sausage.

Literature also started for me. Irena Karpa turned the world upside down. I was quite amazed that language could be so lively, streetwise, aggressive, daring, and high. I got my hands on the magazine ShO. There was an interview with Irena Karpa and, I think, excerpts from Kurva Cum Back. I was really hooked, I realized that everything is love.

Then others followed, like Zhadan, Scriabin, and of course Fozzy. At first, his first books were in Russian, then in Ukrainian. I came to the conclusion that I love Ukraine. For me, Ukraine should have one language, Ukrainian, the state language. If you are Bulgarian, Armenian, or Russian, you should speak the language you like at home. But at the state level, documentation, television, including cinema, everything should be in Ukrainian. It's like The Simpsons again - the best voice acting was on M1. Back then, Russian was losing out.

Марія Литянська