How to communicate with the military in everyday life

This question may arise not only for the family of a soldier who comes home on leave or after being wounded, but also for friends or neighbors. Since the beginning of the full-scale invasion, Ukrainians have been living in two worlds. One reality is what is happening where there is no direct hostilities, and the other is where the defenders face the enemy. To avoid getting into unpleasant situations where these two worlds intersect, it makes sense to listen to the advice of psychologists.

Psychologist Liubava Kazmirchuk from Lutsk notes that improper communication can lead to self-isolation, problems with returning to society, family contact and trust. There is also a risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder.

Stupid questions

Psychologist Roman Zinenko does not advise asking questions about service like: "What was it like there? What did you do?", and he also does not recommend asking about duties or fellow soldiers: "How many people did you kill? And how are ours?" The expert reminds us that the military executes orders, fights missions, eliminates the enemy, and protects the entire country from attack. Therefore, it is not the right time for them to reflect or reminisce. In addition, some topics may be difficult for them.

He notes that the military can remain tense in everyday life and keep the situation under control. However, you should not rush to recommend relaxation or "letting go" of the situation.

Show empathy, not sympathy

The psychologist emphasizes that you should not feel sorry for the soldier, nor should you use phrases like "I understand you," "Everything will be fine," or "You are my hero."

It is better to use the following in a conversation: "I'm proud of you," "I can do this now because you protect me," "You are my protector."

"On the street, you can approach a soldier: without sudden movements, say hello and express gratitude for what he does. But it's worth generalizing, because in reality, you know exactly nothing about this person - neither about their experience, nor about their duties, etc." the psychologist says.

Tips for communicating with the military:

1. Let the person speak.
2. Do not do anything unpredictable.
3. No criticism, no advice and no labels.

The psychologist also notes that you should not help people without their permission or request.

4 rules of communication at home

1. Accept the opinion and explain to children (if necessary) that the man is not the same as he was. He needs to be studied, his preferences may change, communication, sleeping patterns, etc.
2. If there are short-term outbursts of aggression, you should step back and give the person space."The military can react more sharply to certain moments. However, one should not rush to help him or her and do good," the psychologist emphasizes.
3. "Do not make sudden movements, do not wake them up and warn them about the "invasion" of their space (for example, when you enter the room).
4. Involve them in normal processes only if they wish.

What employers should consider

"Demobilized military personnel are equal participants in the labor market like other candidates. There should be no question of separating these categories in principle. The only difference may be that the candidate may have partially lost their work skills during the service, and the employer should be understanding and give them time to adapt," explains HR Manager Sergiy Koshil.

He adds that the military has very valuable personal qualities, such as teamwork, result orientation, and discipline.

Ігор Льов